


you and me get too real but all i feel is alright

by piratekelly



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst Lite, Asexual Steve McGarrett, Asexuality Spectrum, Biromantic Steve McGarrett, Communication, Consensual Sexual Contact, Developing Relationship, Discussion of Boundaries, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Happy Ending, Intimacy, M/M, Romance, Self-Discovery, Tactile Steve McGarrett
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:22:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26621338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piratekelly/pseuds/piratekelly
Summary: It's one thing to know and accept something about yourself. It's another to have someone know and accept it, too.--Or, Steve is ace, Danny respects that, and everyone is happy.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 27
Kudos: 188





	you and me get too real but all i feel is alright

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place end of s1 through 2x09. I forgot Lori existed. (I'm always doing that to someone. Last time it was Lou.) Title from Carly Rae Jepsen's "Now That I Found You". Thanks as always go to momentsofweakness for the beta, and also to boazpriestly for the sensitivity read. You two are the best.
> 
> See end notes for more details on the tags.

Hell Week had prepared Steve for a multitude of situations, but it had nothing on two weeks of solitary confinement in Halawa Correctional Facility.

See, Steve’s always known himself to be a tactile person. Even during BUD/s there had always been some form of physical contact – arms linked with classmates during cold water conditioning at ass o’clock in the morning, huddling for warmth when necessary, close quarter combat training, just to name a few – so being touch-starved was never a real concern for him. But after his first three days in a six by eight cell with no human contact and just enough Vitamin D coming through the window to keep himself going, he’s starting to feel the need like a physical weight.

See, the other thing that all the training in the world couldn’t have prepared him for was the hurricane otherwise known as Danny Williams, who apparently loves physical affection.

Danny, he discovered very early on, is a highly tactile person once you get past his prickly exterior. The way he constantly makes some form of contact with Steve – a hand on his back, friendly pats on the shoulder, brushing against him in every goddamn doorway they walk through – has a way of keeping Steve satisfied while also driving him crazy. Steve returns those touches, because he needs the contact and also finds them reassuring, but it’s getting to the point where Chin and Kono start asking if they’re okay if they go more than a few hours without touching.

In other words Steve has become accustomed to having this particular need met on a regular basis and that’s why Halawa fucking _sucks_. It isn’t until Hesse shanks him in the yard that he even gets to punch somebody. It had been so satisfying to feel that crunch under his knuckles that getting stabbed had almost felt worth it. 

Once he’s cleared of the governor’s murder and gets back to work the touching increases tenfold. It’s like Danny is constantly in his space trying to reassure himself that Steve is there and not in prison, and while Steve does enjoy it, understands it even, after such a long period without any contact at all it’s rapidly approaching sensory overload territory. After only a few days his skin starts to feel tight, he’s irritable, and he just wants five minutes of alone time before dealing with people again. He’s never been so grateful for Danny’s ability to read him so well because he picks up on Steve’s annoyance and dials it back to what had been their normal level of contact pre-Steve’s stint in prison.

Around the time of the case with the murdered SEALs the nature of their physical affection changes. He isn’t sure what triggers it but somewhere along the line their touches start to linger, eye contact lasts just that one second too long, and Steve’s stupid heart goes and falls ass-over-tea kettle for his partner.

He doesn’t understand it, except he totally does. Danny, for all his bluster, is kind; his heart is too big and too soft and so hard to get in it’s practically Fort Knox. If he’s being completely honest, Danny is so many things that Steve’s not: emotionally available, chatty, confident with his shit. They balance each other out just as much as they’re prone to bumping heads. It shouldn’t work but it does. Such is the story of Steve’s life.

So when Danny asks him out on a date it _should_ be a surprise. Outside of how physical they are with each other Danny has never given any kind of indication that he’s anything other than completely straight.

Steve doesn’t care. Danny has made his intentions clear. Steve accepts.

Steve grins, heart beating so hard he’s sure Danny can see it _thump-thumping_ under his shirt. “You know, since you asked that means you’re paying, right?”

“Never mind, then.”

They go out. Danny pays.

\--

For all that it should be awkward, it isn’t. When Danny kisses him goodnight it’s as natural as breathing.

\--

Steve and Danny haven’t been together in an official capacity for long – after all, it took them a whole ass year to get to where they are now – but all things considered they basically get to skip the “getting to know you” part of dating and fall right into being in a relationship. It’s been long enough that something probably should have happened by now. And by something, Steve means sex.

Sex, which Steve does not do.

Danny’s made no secret of his desire for Steve. He’s seen the way Danny looks at him, admires his bare chest, the way his gaze darkened at the sheen of sweat on Steve’s skin after he gets his ass kicked six ways to Sunday in that charity MMA match. It’s obvious and it makes Steve anxious because he’d give Danny the entire goddamn world if he could, but he can’t give Danny that.

Steve’s known this about himself for a very long time, but he’s never seen the point in discussing it when he wasn’t in a relationship with someone who needed to know. He’s not ashamed, but it is a truth universally acknowledged that Steve doesn’t share parts of himself unless he absolutely has to. For years now, it has been his own personal policy that private matters stayed private until such a time that it became necessary to share them. But honesty has always been the name of the game between Danny and Steve, and Danny’s made enough assumptions about the nature of his relationship with Cath that explaining to him that sleeping together actually means sleeping together might be difficult. Steve, prior to dating Danny, had never felt the need to correct those assumptions. After all, when he was still active duty those very assumptions made his life much, much easier.

He’s sort of regretting it now.

Steve swears he’s going to tell Danny. He tells himself after every date that next time will be the time to do it. He just needs one more date, one more night sitting too close together on the couch, one more morning of Danny in the backyard, coffee in hand, waiting for Steve to finish his swim. It’s entirely possible that Danny won’t be receptive to the idea of a nearly entirely sexless relationship and Steve wouldn’t blame him. Everyone has needs that need to be met and for some people those needs are sexual. But with every passing day, every “one more time”, he gets more and more invested, and it becomes second nature to ignore the fact that he hasn’t come clean.

It isn’t until they wind up at Danny’s apartment after a really great date at Morimoto’s – in the private room, because nothing could ruin a date faster than them being recognized and subsequently shot at – that it becomes unavoidable.

Much to their continued surprise they’ve made a fairly seamless transition from friends and work partners to being boyfriends and work partners. Without question they still communicate through sarcasm and shouting, but there’s a lightness to their conversation that hadn’t been there before. Tonight they drank wine and ate fantastic sushi and shut out the world. They spent the evening talking about what they want out of this change in status, making a sidelong glance at their expectations for it, and the importance of being just as honest with each other outside of work as they are when at work.

Steve’s not ashamed to admit to himself that Danny’s need for crystal clear communication is a bit of a turn-on for his heart. He _is_ a little ashamed that he’s not fully holding up his end of the bargain.

Danny, when they get to his front door, invites him in under the guise of a nightcap before Steve heads home for the night. Steve knows better, because a night cap is and always has been code for some sort of mutually agreed upon sexual exchange followed by spending the night, but he’s hungry for Danny’s kiss and that craving has him following Danny inside.

The second the door closes behind them he’s pulled back into the solid wall of Danny’s chest, strong hands pulling him into a rough, filthy kiss. Steve loves this about Danny, that he’s not shy about what he wants and how he wants it, usually pulling Steve into a whirlwind of a make-out session that leaves him equal parts sated and desperate for more. Danny regularly leaves him breathless, his lips tingling and his chin on fire from stubble burn. It’s the best kind of sensory overload and it isn’t long before all Steve knows is the hum of _Danny Danny Danny_ in his blood.

Eventually they wind up on the couch, Danny on top of Steve, and Steve can’t help but groan. He’d forgotten how much he loves the weight of another person pressing him down until he’s flat on his back, pressed into the cushions beneath him. Danny is everywhere all at once, one hand in Steve’s hair while the other finds its way under his shirt and up his chest, resting his hand above Steve’s heart.

It isn’t until he feels the hard line of Danny’s cock pressing against his hip that he remembers something very, very vital: he still hasn’t told Danny that he’s ace. Danny’s hands are going to start wandering south of the border and he’s going to realize that Steve’s not hard, and that’s just…that’s going to cause some problems. So Steve does what he always does when he’s faced with the one-two punch that is being caught off guard and completely unprepared to talk about his feelings.

He pushes Danny off of him and makes for the door, throwing a quick “thanks for tonight, call you in the morning” over his shoulder before running, literally, to the car and heading back to his house.

Steve spends the entire drive wondering if he’s just ruined everything he started with Danny because he sucks at opening himself up to people, even those who’ve told him time and time again that the way they feel about him doesn’t come with conditions. He’s just so accustomed to keeping multiple facets of himself locked up – for DADT or other career-threatening reasons – that it’s hard to just turn the valve to the right and let it start pouring out. Few people know that he’s biromantic, and even fewer know he’s ace.

While he knows he’s safe with Danny, with the team, these deeply embedded habits are so hard to break, and he’s not so far out of his active duty days that he’s forgotten that not everything needs to be held so close to the vest.

He lets himself into his house and finds that he can’t move past the doorway. He’s staring at the couch where he and Danny sat just two days ago and watched football, Danny leaning into his side while they threw back Longboards and traded sarcastic comments until long after the game was over. There’s Danny’s pillow next to the arm rest, the one he always uses when he passes out at the house after a hard case. There’s a box up on a shelf across the room full of toys Steve has collected for Grace whenever Danny brings her over to swim on the weekends he has her. So much of Danny’s life is in this room, the moments he shares with just Steve, and that more than anything drives home exactly how much he’s just screwed up.

That’s how Danny finds him, standing feet from the door, face in his hands, muttering an unending litany of “What did I do? What did I _do_?”

“That’s a really great question, Steven,” Danny says. Steve turns to find him standing outside the open front door, and Steve has to remind himself that it didn’t matter if the door was open or closed, Danny has a key anyway. “I, for one, am very interested in the answer. You might even say I have a personal investment.”

All he can think to do is wave Danny into the house (Danny luckily has enough of his wits about him that he actually remembers to close the door), walk to the kitchen, pull out a six pack, and invite Danny outside.

“Before you start,” Danny says as he sits in what Steve has begun to think of as Danny’s chair. “I want you to know that I’m not mad. Something is definitely up with you – and let’s be honest, when is the opposite ever true? – but this is obviously important, and I need you to know that you can talk to me about it. Okay?”

Steve nods and takes a deep breath, exhaling loudly. He’s not even sure where to start, what seems most important to share, how to explain it if Danny doesn’t understand. 

“It’s kind of a long story,” he replies.

Danny shrugs. “I’ve heard that starting at the beginning is good.”

Steve snorts, takes a long pull off his beer, and starts talking.

\--

_Steve had just turned sixteen when he started to think that there was something different about him. Not something bad, just…something. After all, you kind of had to wonder how much of a later bloomer you had to be before you started questioning a few things about yourself._

_All Steve knew was that he’d had the occasional wet dream, but they weren’t always explicitly sexual in nature, and the only orgasms he’d had occurred in his sleep. He found people attractive, but it was purely aesthetic, and he didn’t feel the need to act on it. The idea of sex didn’t – and still doesn’t – make him feel sick or uncomfortable; in fact, it doesn’t make him feel much of anything at all._

_He noticed people, the way they look and smell, the way Tracy’s hair floated in the wind and that Kai was really starting to fill out in the shoulders. For a while he thought he might just not be attracted to women that way, but he soon realized that men didn’t really make him feel any differently. They were all pleasing to look at, and Steve knew he had a preference for certain kinds of people, but he mostly just wanted to go to movies, maybe kiss a little, and cuddling sounded pretty great. He never pictured anyone naked. It just never occurred to him to do that._

_He tried sex, just once, when he was seventeen. It was with a cute girl he’d met at a beach party. Her name was Brenda, and while it hadn’t been altogether terrible, Steve discovered that it just wasn’t for him. The desire to be like that with another person just wasn’t there. They got dressed and went their separate ways, and that had been that. If he had to sum up the experience with just one word, it would be “meh”. He does, however, discover that he loves physical intimacy: cuddling, holding hands, kissing, skin-to-skin contact. All of those things make him feel good and safe and happy._

_It turned out that it wouldn’t matter much for a while; his mom dies and he’s off to the academy shortly after. He soon discovers that being who he is has its drawbacks. Number one, he’s surrounded by so many horny men, and it is annoying. But the last thing he needs is anyone side-eyeing him for not participating in, if he’s being honest, frankly disgusting conversations, so he adds a few non-committal answers where necessary and leaves it at that._

_Eventually he starts dating around but he never commits, especially since his dating pool is halved with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell hanging over him. By the time he’s done a tour or two and finished his five months of training for a position in Intelligence he’s mostly given up. He has so little free time, most of which is spent sleeping, and it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. He knows he’s fine going without, would prefer it that way actually, and he likes being able to travel on his own, not owing anyone a moment of his time._

_He’s a year into his position at Navy intelligence when he meets Catherine Rollins._

_She’s beautiful, and smart, and everything he should want in a partner, and while he finds her physically attractive, he’s not sexually interested in her. He found that he could confide in her, and they became very good friends who cuddled a lot and sought comfort in each other when their schedules lined up. Sometimes they make out, sometimes they just go to dinner and talk, and everyone assumes they’re dating. Neither of them cared enough to correct them. They stand in as each other’s dates for events and it’s nice having someone around who just wants to be near him, no expectations._

_She’s the one who helps him find a name for who he is._

_They’re sitting on his bed, his arm around her shoulders and one of her legs thrown over his thigh, when she asks:_

_“Why haven’t you ever hit on me?”_

_Steve can actually hear the record scratch of his thoughts coming to an abrupt halt. “Uh.”_

_“I’m not mad that you haven’t, it’s just…I’m a woman in the military. Getting hit on twenty-four/seven kind of comes with the territory.”_

_Again, he finds himself without words._

_“Is this an ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing or is it just a you thing?” There’s no malice in her voice. It’s becoming obvious that she’s actually genuinely curious, so Steve exhales and attempts to string a sentence together._

_“It’s a, uh,” Steve stutters, “It’s a me thing. I think.”_

_Catherine’s brows furrow as she thinks. “Are you asexual, Steve?”_

_“Am I what?”_

_“Asexual.”_

_Steve shakes his head, frowning. “I don’t even know what that is.”_

_“It means, in a super basic and broad sense, that sex might not really do it for you.”_

_“But I’ve had sex,” he admits, if a little quietly._

_“Yeah?” she asks. “Did you want to do it again?”_

_He thinks back on the experience and shrugs. “Not really.”_

_“Okay,” she replies. “So it’s not something you necessarily need or want. It’s as good a place as any to start.”_

_“Start what?”_

_“Research, Steve,” she smiles. “You’re Naval Intelligence, I’m sure you can figure out the internet.”_

_She gets up to leave because she actually does have to get up early, but he thanks her as genuinely as he can for someone who was unprepared to have this conversation at all._

_He’s on leave when he looks it up and is a little overwhelmed by what he finds. There’s… so much. Asexuality is such a huge spectrum; some people are sex repulsed, which he knows he’s not, others experience sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is established, and some even lose their attraction toward a person if that attraction is reciprocated. He toys with the idea of identifying as graysexual, but when he thinks about his lone sexual encounter he doesn’t remember any kind of desire or attraction for her, just indifference. He settles on simply identifying as asexual, because nothing else quite seems to tick all of his boxes. He’s most comfortable with a blanket term, and more importantly, he has a term. He has a word for it now._

_It feels good._

_It’s also a bit of a relief because he knows he’s still going to fall in love one day, and maybe it’ll be harder for him to find someone who can accept the fact that a sexual relationship will be limited, if it exists at all, but he still has the chance. He continues to date Cath, he applies for BUD/s, gets accepted, and life goes on._

_He’s on his second tour when he gets a phone call that changes everything, in more ways than one._

_After his father’s death and Steve’s subsequent transfer into the Reserves, shit truly hit the fan because Steve went and fell in love with his new partner._

_Danny is all broad shoulders and swagger, brash and full of bravado and snark and it almost makes Steve wish he desired sex. Danny is passionate and dedicated and Steve just knows, somehow, that Danny is an attentive lover. But that’s not what Steve’s looking for, so he settles for months and months of pining and daydreaming of long make-out sessions and laying together on the beach watching the sunset. He thinks about holding hands and spooning and watching movies with Grace settled between them. It isn’t until that day with the petroglyphs that Steve wonders if maybe, if he’s reading things right, maybe Danny wants some of those things, too._

_Steve gets arrested before he can find out. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, he discovers; Danny’s going back to Jersey as soon as Steve’s free._

_He’s pretty sure this is what it feels like to have your heart broken. He doesn’t like it._

_He gets out of prison and Danny stays, and Steve dials back his daydreaming and focuses instead on the parts of Danny he can have. But, he notices, the more he tries to pull away the more Danny tries to bring him in. He doesn’t know what to make of it, but whatever it is he’ll take it._

\--

“And here we are.”

Danny is quiet for a moment, long enough that Steve starts to doubt himself. Eventually Danny seems to come to a conclusion, because all he says is, “Thanks for telling me.”

“You’re not disappointed?”

“I can’t say that the thought of having sex with you hasn’t crossed my mind a time or two,” Danny replies, and Steve blushes a little. “But Steve, I started having feelings for you without the expectation of sex. And there are a lot of ways to be intimate without having full-on sex, you know that, right?”

Steve actually does know that, but he’s surprised that Danny does. It must show because Danny chuckles and says,

“The internet, Steve. I may have come to a sexuality crisis much later in life than you did, but a lot of stuff comes up when you start researching.”

Steve is quiet for a long moment. If Danny could hear the inside of his head right now all he’d hear would be the high-pitched screeching of dial-up. He knows – objectively, given his very, very small pool to pull from – that there are people in the world who are totally accepting of people in their lives who are asexual. He knows, in theory, that ace people can have healthy relationships with people who enjoy sex. Steve also knows that he doesn’t know how all of that applies to him. After all, he’s not even sure what Danny’s sexuality _is_ ; is he bi? Pan? Steve-sexual? It feels like an important thing to know.

Except, he reminds himself, he also knows that some people don’t really need labels to feel comfortable with who they are.

He’s also fishing for reasons to justify being scared.

Steve is fully aware of who he is, at least within the parameters of his own experiences. He is aware of the things he likes, the things he doesn’t, the things that are a grey area because he’s never tried. He trusts Danny, whose friendship has been steadfast in the year-plus they’ve known each other. Danny, whose trust has never wavered, and his faith in Steve is strong despite the growing number of times it’s been tested. He knows better, but he’s also aware that having a friend who’s ace is very different than having a boyfriend who is.

“I can see the wheels turning in that big brain of yours,” Danny says, breaking Steve’s train of thought. “So let me answer the obvious before we go to sleep. Okay?”

Steve nods. The distant prospect of falling asleep next to Danny has apparently left him temporarily mute.

“I am attracted to you, both romantically and physically. Tomorrow we can discuss what the latter means going forward. I want this. Sex, no sex, sort of sex, whatever. I’m in this. And, most importantly, the part we will both hate but will do because it is necessary: we will talk. Constantly. You will be annoyed with the number of times I check in with you. We can’t do this if we don’t communicate. That work?”

Steve smiles, the big stupid grin he knows Danny loves. “That works, Danno.”

“Great,” Danny says, clapping his hands together while simultaneously rising from his seat. “Then let’s get started. You like cuddling?”

And that’s how Steve finds both himself and Danny down to their boxers, cuddling on his couch. Rudy is playing on low in the background, but Steve’s not even trying to pay attention. Instead he’s stretched out, comfortable in the vee of Danny’s legs, resting his head on Danny’s chest, letting the steady _thump-thump_ of his partner’s heart lull him to sleep. Steve has never been so relaxed, body warm and loose as Danny cards his fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck. He wonders why he ever doubted Danny. Danny is a man who values strong, trusting relationships over anything else, and it was silly of Steve to think that a romantic relationship between them would be any different.

Danny presses a kiss to Steve’s forehead, and Steve’s eyes flutter shut. “Sleep, babe.”

Steve does.

\--

When Steve wakes the next morning it’s to the smell of coffee and a hint of something sweet, and he grins into his pillow. He can’t remember the last time he both slept far past the time he would usually go for his swim and had someone make breakfast for him. He burrows further into the sheets that still carry a hint of Danny’s cologne and finds himself hoping for more mornings just like this.

His mind drifts to memories of the night before and it feels like his heart floats right out of his chest. The night had been perfect, Steve hovering on the edge of a deep sleep until Danny had woken him so they could go upstairs. Danny had held his hand as they shut off the lights and quietly made their way to the bedroom.

He remembers how cool the sheets had felt against his skin, how it had felt so right to have the warmth of Danny’s body wrapped around him from behind, their legs tangled together. Steve doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to smell his own laundry detergent and the subtle notes of Danny’s cologne without smiling like an idiot. He finds that he doesn’t really care. For now he’s choosing to ignore the creeping feeling trying to remind him exactly how long it’s been since he was last this optimistic.

He opens his eyes and finds Danny leaning against the door frame, ankles crossed, smiling softly over at where Steve lay curled up under the covers. 

“I made breakfast.”

“Are you sure?” Steve replies. “Because when you make breakfast it’s normally accompanied by multiple smoke detectors wailing and the distinct smell of burning.”

“Fine,” Danny huffs, still smiling as he walks downs the hallway. “See if I leave you any pancakes.”

Steve sits up abruptly, pillow lost to the floor. “Did you say pancakes?”

When all Steve gets in response is the sound of Danny walking down the steps he reaches for his sweatpants and the closest hoodie he can get his hands on, and chases after his partner.

It’s obvious that Danny had put some thought into this, and Steve wonders when he’d found the time in their busy schedule to plan it. The table on the lanai is covered in a white tablecloth he’s not even sure is his, adorned with plates of fresh fruit, the freshly brewed coffee he could smell upstairs, and his promised pancakes. There’s even pineapple in a little bowl all its own, because god forbid pineapple touch anything Danny might eat, and Steve’s heart nearly explodes in his chest. He’s no stranger to romantic gestures – despite evidence to the contrary he has been known to cultivate an emotional moment or two – but being on the receiving end of something as simple as a nice breakfast fills him with a softness he can’t identify.

There is also a very rumpled looking Danny standing off to his right, still soft with the remains of a good night’s sleep, hair free of its usual layer of product and ruffled by the breeze coming in off the ocean. This is as close to a perfect moment as Steve thinks he’ll ever get, so he leans in and presses a soft kiss to Danny’s lips. Danny hums softly when he pulls away.

“What was that for?”

Steve shrugs as he sits down and starts adding food to his plate. “Felt like it.”

“Ah,” Danny replies, taking the seat next to him. “You felt like it. I suppose that’s reason enough.”

They eat in companionable silence, lazily sipping at their coffee in the warm morning light, listening to the waves crash as the tide rolls in. The pancakes are light and buttery, the slices of mango and guava refreshing and soft on his tongue. Steve could get used to mornings like this, breakfast on the beach with Danny relaxed and happy right next to him. He hopes he’ll get the chance.

When their plates are clean and they’ve topped off their coffees, Danny breaks the easy quiet that had settled around them. “I know you probably aren’t looking forward to this, but if I promise not to deprive you of your morning swim do you think we could go ahead and have that conversation?”

Steve smiles into his coffee. “Was this you buttering me up, Danno?”

“No,” Danny replies. “This was a nice gesture. I like to make those from time to time to let people know I care about them. The fact that you’re relaxed and happy is just a pleasant byproduct.”

“Alright,” Steve says. “Ask away.”

“Well, I was thinking that you could explain what being asexual means to you, and I could tailor my questions to that?”

It’s a reasonable request, one Steve is happy to oblige if it means he can avoid awkward questions that don’t apply to their situation. He’s been on the internet. There are things you can never unsee.

He finds it surprisingly easy to talk once he gets started. He tells Danny that while he’s not sex-repulsed, sex doesn’t necessarily do it for him like it does other people, that there is a difference between recognizing that someone is attractive and wanting to act on that attraction. Danny already knows that Steve likes kissing and skin-to-skin contact. Danny knows he’s had sex once, that it wasn’t a great experience for him, and trying to get it up had taken a lot of concentration. Brenda hadn’t really been much help in that department. He knows now that her passivity wasn’t the reason why he almost couldn’t, as they say, rise to the occasion.

Danny is quiet for a long moment, but not in a way that makes Steve panic. He’s seen Danny like this, during those cases where he just can’t figure out why the pieces don’t fit, why the bigger picture seems to be eluding him, and Steve knows that Danny is thinking of the ways that Steve’s sexuality slots into the open spaces in his life.

“So let’s start easy,” Danny suggests. Steve takes a sip of his coffee, nodding his agreement. “Kissing. I know you like it, but can I kiss you other places? Like your neck and your chest?”

Steve nods. “That’s fine. You get a blanket green light on that one.”

“Noted,” Danny says. “How about nudity? Are you okay with it or is this a boxers-at-all-times household?”

“I’ve been in the military for half my life, Danny,” Steve laughs. “Getting comfortable being naked around other people is practically in the job description.”

“That’s not an answer, Steve.”

“I’m fine with it, Danny. I’m not body shy.”

Danny nods. “But would you feel differently if we were cuddling naked?”

“Not really,” Steve replies. “You already know I like the contact. Plus, I like to sleep naked sometimes. What are you gonna do then, sleep in the next room?”

“Yes,” Danny says. “If that’s what you wanted me to do, then yes.”

Steve would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little stunned. He’d only meant it as an offhand comment, but the sincerity with which Danny replied has left him slightly speechless.

“You’re really not used to people accommodating you, are you?” Danny asks. Steve shakes his head. “We’re going to have to work on that.”

“And in the meantime?” 

“I keep asking questions,” Danny replies. “Let me know if this gets too hard for you.”

Steve snorts and Danny gives him a flat look in return. Steve motions for him to continue. “It was too easy anyway.”

“First up,” Danny continues. “Has anyone ever touched you below the belt?”

Danny raises a hand when Steve opens his mouth to respond. “I’m not asking because I want to try to get you off, Steve. I understand that’s not going to happen, and it’s fine. I’m asking because I don’t want to upset you if I forget for a second and reach down.”

“I don’t know,” Steve replies. “I’ve never been in a position where someone’s tried. That one instance wasn’t the most reciprocal event, so I guess it’s sort of a grey area. If I did get hard it would only be a physiological response, not because I’m aroused by it. The idea doesn’t disgust me, but just the idea of you being disappointed even though you knew it wasn’t going to happen would kind of kill the mood.”

Danny nods. “Okay, no touching below the belt. For the record, any way you feel comfortable touching me is fine. There really isn’t anywhere I don’t like being touched, and the idea of you having those big hands anywhere on me is, uh…it’s enough.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks, smiling. 

Danny rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling back. “Quit pretending you don’t know that I love your hands.”

Steve’s grin widens because yes, he did know that, but it’s always nice to hear that even something as average as his hands are attractive. They sit there grinning like idiots until Danny clears his throat.

“So before I ask this, I want to reassure you that whatever you do or don’t want to do is fine with me. You being comfortable is the most important thing to me, okay?” He waits for Steve to nod before continuing. “How does the idea of touching me sexually make you feel?”

Steve is somewhat surprised, given everything he’s told Danny so far, but he recognizes that it’s a valid question. There’s a difference, after all, between being uncomfortable having a sex act performed on you and being uncomfortable doing it to someone else. He’s known sexually active people who love giving oral sex but don’t like having it returned. He knows some asexual people do have sex, because attraction and desire aren’t the same thing, but learning those things about yourself is a trial-and-error kind of thing, and he just…hasn’t tried.

“I’m going to get sick of giving you this answer, but I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Again, I wouldn’t get off on it but the idea of seeing you all strung out, all because of me? It’s not…unappealing. I find you attractive, Danny. I like touching you. So really it does boil down to the fact that I just don’t know. I could love doing it, I could hate doing it, it could be on a case by case basis. I just can’t say one way or another because I’ve never tried.”

“Okay, so we table it for now. If you ever want to try we can revisit it, but I’ll never ask you to. There are other ways for us to touch and I still get off in the end. And there’s nothing that says I have to every time.”

Steve frowns, not unsure but not easily seeing the solution either. “How do you propose we do that?”

“I mean, I do masturbate, Steven,” Danny replies. “Since you’re not sex-repulsed maybe you could watch me? I don’t really have a thing for voyeurism but the thought of you, specifically, watching me is pretty hot. You could also be leaning back against the headboard, me between your legs and leaning back against your chest while I do it. If it turns out you don’t like touching my dick, a position like that removes the thing that you don’t like and still allows you to touch me and be involved.”

“Huh,” Steve breathed. He hadn’t actually thought of it like that. 

“Or, if you ever feel like taking it up a notch from there I could always rub off on you while we make out. There are other things beyond that but starting small seems to be the name of the game here,” Danny shrugs before continuing. “What I’m getting at here is that sexual intimacy, just like asexuality, is a spectrum. You have your really innocent over the clothes touching on one end, and hardcore kinks on the other. We just have to find where we fit.”

Steve nods, feeling a little more sure of himself. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Danny murmurs, smiling as he presses a quick kiss to Steve’s cheek. “Now go swim. You’re getting jittery.”

\--

They don’t exactly take out a full page ad in the newspaper announcing their relationship status to the world, but they stop maintaining any kind of pretense that their relationship is anything less than romantic after that. When they walk into work on Monday morning it’s to the sight of Chin grinning as Kono reaches into her back pocket with a sigh and slaps a ten dollar bill into his waiting palm. Steve knows they’ve had their suspicions – they’re not exactly subtle and Chin and Kono are great cops – but he’s thankful nonetheless that they hadn’t asked and instead waited for Steve and Danny to tell them themselves.

“Seems you guys worked some things out this weekend,” Kono says.

“Oh no,” Danny says, leaning slightly into Steve’s bulk at his side. “You can poke fun at this relationship all you want. After all it’s what you’ve been doing since day one. But our sex life? Off limits. Sexual harassment conferences are not exactly my idea of a good time, and there will be hell to pay if I have to go to one because of you.”

Kono nods. “Fine. But one of you is buying me lunch at Kamekona’s. I lost ten bucks because you couldn’t keep it to yourselves for another week.”

Steve grins, and Danny just knows there’s a lot of seriously hot making out in his future. Steve coming out is his business, and Danny is more than happy to let everyone around them think they’re having wild sex at every possible moment if it means it gives Steve the time he needs to be ready for that conversation, or decide he doesn’t want to have it at all.

\--

The way they date doesn’t change much in the wake of The Conversation, as Steve’s come to think of it when Danny’s not around, but their time together becomes more and more charged with the possibilities laid in front of them. Their talk had gone a long way in soothing some of Steve’s nerves. Their time alone had once been a source of anxiety for Steve, but now he finds himself enjoying the buzz of anticipation under his skin. Now he can just enjoy himself, enjoy this new emotional intimacy that’s growing between them. Now the unknown of what comes after dinner or the movies no longer fills him with fear; though his concerns haven’t entirely disappeared, he’s excited, these days, to see what the rest of the night will bring.

These nights don’t always end the way one or both of them hopes, but they never feel like wasted time, either. Every kiss, every touch, every night spent tangled on the couch or in bed brings them closer to where they want their relationship to be. Some nights that means they fall back on what’s comfortable and drink beer on the beach behind Steve’s house while they wait for their pizza to arrive. Danny will either go home to the quiet of his apartment, kissing Steve goodnight at the door, or he’ll follow Steve upstairs where they’ll pass out wrapped around each other until the first tendrils of sunlight shine through the crack in the blinds. Steve will swim, Danny will make coffee, they’ll shower together if they’re running later than usual, and make the transition from Steve-and-Danny to Detective Williams and Commander McGarrett.

Other nights will have Steve feeling a little bolder; he’s becoming more comfortable with the more intimate parts of their relationship as time has goes on. Though these moments tend to follow the same procedure – kissing turns to clothes coming off turns to mostly naked cuddling on the nearest flat surface – it never ceases to amaze him that every time feels new. Danny, in his quest to help Steve find his boundaries, has made it his own personal mission to find every spot on Steve’s body that makes his breath catch in his chest, his hands shake in excitement. He never asks for more than Steve is willing to give and is happy to allow Steve the room he needs to explore.

It’s good. It’s so, so good, and he never wants it to end.

It’s their fourth actual date – Steve insists that just hanging out on his couch and watching ESPN doesn’t count, so it only qualifies as a date if they go out or one of them cooks for the other – post-Conversation. Dinner had been perfect, seafood so fresh it had to have just been pulled from the ocean, a beautiful view of the sun setting behind the horizon, the cool breeze signaling the end of another day in paradise. Danny’s foot had rested against Steve’s ankle through most of their meal, occasionally pressing closer when he noticed Steve’s mind starting to wander. It had not gone unnoticed that Danny had been touching him at every opportunity since they’d first sat down, and Steve hadn’t missed the glimmer in Danny’s eye that told him he was down for some sort of action tonight if Steve was.

He was. He is. Which is how they end up in their usual post-date spot: dead center on the couch, Danny in Steve’s lap, hungry hands pushing and pulling at button downs and polo shirts, chasing the sensation of warm skin under gun callused hands. It isn’t long before they’re down to their boxers, Steve’s body pressing Danny back until they’re horizontal on the couch. Steve braces himself on an elbow and catches Danny’s eye, tries to convey how much he burns with the need to have Danny pressed bare against him. He wants to sit back on his heels, knelt between the vee of Danny’s legs, and look his fill, to worship the way Danny’s heart pounds in his broad chest, the way Steve’s own hunger is reflected in Danny’s beautiful blue eyes.

Steve wants. He wants and wants and wants, more than he ever thought possible, than he ever thought himself capable. He can’t find the words to convey exactly how Danny makes him feel, but he’s been figuring out how to use his body to communicate, so he lowers himself until he’s covering Danny’s body with his own and kisses him hard, deep, hoping Danny understands. He’s sure that Danny does when he feels a hand slowly sliding up his thigh, over his ass, to settle on his lower back. He shivers as goosebumps break out across his skin and Danny smiles into their kiss, pulling Steve close until there’s nothing left between them. 

After long, languid moments of unhurried making out, of hands wandering over skin growing tacky with sweat, fingers gripping hard at arms and hips, Steve reaches back to tangle their fingers together, pulling their joined hands up until they’re resting on the cushion by Danny’s head. 

“Still good?” Danny asks, voice low.

Steve nods. “Still good.”

Danny grins and leans in, so close Steve can feel Danny’s breath on his lips. “Hell yeah.”

Danny reaches up with his other hand and buries his fingers in the hair at the nape of Steve’s neck, pulling his head to the side so he can kiss and nip his way around Steve’s throat, tongue tracing the line of the prominent vein near his Adam’s apple. Steve groans; it’s so easy, he’s found, to get lost in Danny when he takes charge like this, as though he knows exactly what Steve needs in the moment. He wants to stay like this forever, the sole focus of all of Danny’s passion and affection, wrapped up in strong arms. But Steve has also learned that his body can only do this for so long before he starts to feel overstimulated. As much as he’d be content to spend the rest of their evening doing exactly this, there’s something else he really wants to try.

“I want to touch you,” Steve gasps as Danny bites down on the skin behind his ear. 

“You sure?” 

Steve nods. “Been thinking about it. I want to try.”

“Anywhere,” Danny groans, leaning back to look Steve in the eye. “God, Steve, anywhere. Want your hands on me.”

This time Steve does pull back, kneeling between Danny’s legs as he takes in the sight before him. Steve loves Danny’s chest, loves the thick layer of golden hair, loves the way his muscles expand and contract with each heavy breath, loves the way his fingers slot perfectly between Danny’s ribs. It’s not like he’s never seen Danny shirtless before – the sheer number of times they come back to the office with something spilled, spit, or sprayed on them removed any possibility of avoiding that – but these days it’s different. This time there’s intent; it’s about more than just the contact. It’s about deepening their connection through that contact. It’s about discovery and comfort and mutual respect.

Steve isn’t sure how this is going to go – if he’ll like it or hate it or find that this is a boundary for him – but he’s been thinking about it a lot lately, and the only thing he’s sure of is that he’s ready to find out. 

“Can I?”

“You sure?”

Steve nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure.”

He reaches down to where Danny’s erection is tenting the dark blue cotton of his boxers and curls slightly trembling fingers around the elastic wrapped low around Danny’s hips. He’s a little nervous about the unknown of it all, but he pulls the band away from Danny’s body, slowly pulling the fabric down until they’re off completely, and his face flushes; he’s responsible for this reaction, for the most obvious – and it is obvious – proof of Danny’s desire for him, and the knowledge is both a little embarrassing and a lot hot.

Danny must sense his hesitation because he gently wraps his fingers around Steve’s wrist, squeezing until he has Steve’s attention. “You okay, babe?”

Steve nods. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?”

Danny buries his face in the crook of his elbow and groans. “I should have known you couldn’t check being a SEAL at the door.”

Steve pulls Danny’s arm away from his face and looks Danny in the eye, takes note of the heat he finds there as he reaches down and gently wraps his hand around Danny’s erection. The skin is hot in his hand and smooth to the touch; Danny is firm where Steve is still soft, and while he’s not uncomfortable with this he’s aware that general indifference of touching someone sexually is still present. He’s not disappointed at the discovery – it had more or less been expected by both of them – but Steve is reassured to know that this isn’t a thing that repulses him. In fact, it opens up a whole new avenue of experimenting to the both of them, and he finds himself excited at the prospect.

He pumps his hand one, two times, and the way Danny lights up under his touch is extremely gratifying. It’s in the way Danny’s eyes close tight but his face goes soft with pleasure, the way his hips roll into the contact, that Steve finds what he likes about this. Having this effect on another person, this kind of control over their pleasure, being the cause of someone’s arousal, that’s what’s doing it for him. He thinks he’d be okay with doing this for Danny sometimes – maybe not a full-on hand job, but giving him some sort of stimulation – but he knows Danny will take his admission the wrong way. It’s probably going to take some time to convince Danny that this is something he wants and not something he’s talking himself into because Danny obviously gets something out of it. He’ll have to get Danny to understand that he, himself, does not need to have an orgasm to find something fulfilling about this particular act.

“What’s the verdict?”

Steve shrugs. “It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever touched.”

“Just what a guy wants to hear when his boyfriend’s hand is on his dick,” Danny teases, and Steve can’t stop the grin that spreads across his face. “What?”

“That’s the first time you’ve called me your boyfriend.”

Danny frowns. “Was I not supposed to?”

“I like it,” Steve admits a little shyly.

“Well,” Danny replies, smile turning smug. “I guess I’ll just have to say it more often.”

Steve removes his hand, content with the progress he’s made in his search for boundaries this evening, and shuffles around until he’s spread out over Danny again. Danny groans and wraps his arms around Steve’s shoulders to pull him into a kiss that’s lost some of its previous heat but is no less hungry. Steve can feel the way Danny’s cock pulses against his thigh and it gives him a small thrill to feel this proof of Danny’s attraction pressed so close.

Things wind down slowly, roaming hands content to rest against shoulders and hips, kisses turning slow and lazy. Steve is floating, lost in Danny wrapped around him, warm and comforting. He kisses Danny one last time before pulling back and burying his face in the crook of Danny’s neck.

“Hey, Danny?” The other man hums in response. “I… I think I’m done for the night. Is that okay?”

Danny pulls back, cupping Steve’s face in his hands. “It’s always okay, Steve. One day I’m going to convince you that I mean that.”

“Wouldn’t doubt it for a minute,” Steve replies. Danny huffs a quiet laugh.

“If it’s alright with you I’m, uh,” he gestures down to his lap. “I’m gonna go shower and take care of this.”

Steve nods and watches the muscles flex in Danny’s shoulders as he gets off the couch and moves to head upstairs. 

“Hey, Danny?” Danny turns, and Steve will swear on a stack of bibles that he’ll never again see anything this beautiful in his life. “I think I’d like to watch you sometime.”

“So much hate,” Danny groans. As Danny walks away Steve can see the desire at his suggestion flash across the other man’s face, though it disappears quickly as Danny seems to remind himself that it would have to wait for another day. 

Steve buries his face in a throw pillow and grins.

\--

Every conversation they have about their wants and needs after that night gets easier. Steve’s hesitating less and less every time he tells Danny he wants to try something, or when he’s found a limit; things that, the further they get into this relationship, he finds don’t hold any appeal at all. He’s always known that Danny is a talker, but he makes it so easy for Steve to open up, to the point where being blunt when he doesn’t have the energy to explain himself no longer makes Danny defensive. They’ve worked hard to strike a balance between knowing when to push a conversation that needs to be had right then and there, and knowing when it can wait. So far they’ve done a pretty good job of maintaining it. Steve is happy. He’s deliriously happy.

He is so, so in love. He vows to tell Danny soon.

Between exhausting cases and nights spent with Danny, Steve almost forgets about the dark cloud of his family’s past that’s been slowly catching up to him. Jenna has been hard at work trying to connect all the dots, but without the full support of the CIA information is hard to come by.

The weekends Danny has Grace help, though. Steve doesn’t have time to dwell on the things he doesn’t and may never know when she’s around. He gets to share his home with her, gets to see the island through a child’s eyes again, and while it makes Steve ache for the kid he used to be, he chooses to see it as an opportunity to do it all over again. To do it right. They play in the ocean and build sandcastles and he’s slowly wearing Danny down on the idea of taking Grace to see the petroglyphs. Grace isn’t his child, but it was something his father had shared with him, and the more time goes on it’s becoming unlikely that he’ll have children of his own. He’d like the chance to share such a special place with her.

Steve’s efforts to find peace in the present while surrounded by the relics of his past do not go unnoticed. He and Danny spend long evenings on the beach behind the house talking about how happy he is, and how scared he is of losing it. After everything they’ve been through – the sarin and Wo Fat and the governor – the dangerous nature of their job hits him differently. Losing Danny while they were just friends would have been devastating, he has no doubt about that, but losing Danny now that they’re lovers? That’s something Steve doesn’t think he’d ever come back from. Danny has become such a cornerstone in Steve’s life, and he can’t take another loss, especially one he could possibly prevent.

Danny just takes his hand and tells Steve that he’s just going to have to have a little faith. Faith that the measures they take to stay safe in the field will bring them home every night. Faith in their team in general, and their partnership in particular, and the trust they’ve all worked so hard to build over the last year. Faith in them, in what they’re building together, and trust that if they keep moving forward exactly as they have been, that they can survive anything.

Steve has been short on faith and trust for most of his life, but he promises to try. After all, that’s all Danny has ever asked of him.

So they keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep solving cases and protecting Oahu as they’ve always done, and Steve starts to invest in some of that faith like he promised Danny he would. It doesn’t happen overnight and they’re both fine with that.

Historically, the only thing that seems to happen to Steve that quickly is the unexpected deaths of people he loves, so he takes his time. He starts small: he puts more faith in Danny trusting Steve so much with Grace. (It’s a thing he may never fully understand, but one he’s grateful for all the same.) He has faith in himself when he’s in the field as Commander McGarrett, but now he’s trying to trust himself more when he’s simply Steve McGarrett, civilian. He tries to have more faith in Danny’s attempts to make a frittata that doesn’t end in them almost having to call the fire department. 

He feels like he’s starting to make some headway when ICE Agent Monica Jennsen’s plane crashes into the Pacific. When they discover that she was dead long before impact, her colleague’s reaction has Steve wondering if maybe there hadn’t been something going on between them. Agent Jeff Morrison’s devastation over her murder is understandable; by all accounts she’d been a good woman with a strong sense of right and wrong who had dedicated her life to doing what she believed was right. But Jeff looks gutted, like there’s a Monica shaped hole in his life that he’d never anticipated having to fill. It hits home in ways that Steve tries not to think about.

After a long day spent running around the city pulling double duty as an officer of the law and a human pretzel in the back seat of the Camaro, his body is probably bruised and definitely stiff after tackling a former suspect into a stand of oranges. Steve dreams of a hot shower so long the Navy would probably dishonorably discharge him on principle alone, a lot of Aleve, and wrapping himself around Danny before sleeping for the next ten hours. After they drop the dog off, of course.

They stop at headquarters to grab the necessary paperwork before heading home for the rest of the day. Steve is just about packed up when Jeff drops by to give the team the plaque honoring Agent Jannsen’s service and the posthumous award she’d received for this case specifically. He’s hesitant to take it – after all, this feels like the civilian equivalent of Danny trying to give away the folded flag he’d receive in the event of Steve’s death – but Jeff looks like he can barely stand to touch it, so he relents. The other man seems relieved to have it out of his hands, and Steve realizes that it must be a special kind of pain to see all of those accomplishments, everything she’d been both personally and professionally, reduced to a piece of embossed paper in a cheap frame.

After Jeff leaves, Steve hangs it in his office. She deserves that much.

For the first time since they started this thing between them, Steve walks out of the Palace holding Danny’s hand.

\--

Steve gets his long shower and a couple of Aleve, and it goes a long way to improving his mood. He’s mostly shaken his thoughts of Monica and Jeff off, lacking the energy to examine it any further than he already has. What he wants, what he _needs_ , is Danny and a normal evening at home.

They order pizza and curl up on the couch, half paying attention to the Mythbusters marathon on the TV before Danny declares that they’re both too old to be falling asleep on the couch and pulls Steve up to bed. As soon as Danny hits the sheets Steve reaches over and pulls him close, throwing an arm over Danny’s chest and resting his head on his shoulder.

Danny probably knows what’s going through Steve’s mind, that he’s drawing improbable parallels between their conversation from a few nights ago and their case today, but he elects not to ask. Steve isn’t interested in talking about it anyway, so Danny just pulls him even closer and gently rubs his thumb over Steve’s wrist. Steve shudders when Danny kisses his temple, and suddenly Steve finds himself desperately needing to reassure himself of Danny’s presence.

He rolls over and blankets Danny’s body with his own, kissing him deep and dirty. Danny moans, letting Steve linger for a moment before turning his head to the side, thwarting Steve’s next attempt at a kiss.

“Babe –”

“Please,” Steve whispers, voice cracking. “Need you, Danny.”

“Are you sure?” he asks. “Because I need you to be sure, Steve. I don’t want you waking up in the morning hating me for taking advantage.”

Steve shakes his head, sucking a mark into Danny’s collarbone. “Won’t hate you. Can’t. Please, just –”

“Okay,” Danny nods, pressing their foreheads together. “Okay. I’ve got you. I’m right here."

Danny rolls them over so that he’s now on top of Steve, kissing him slow and sweet, tempering Steve’s desperation with his own tenderness. Steve relents, content for the moment to let Danny lead the way. His heart rate begins to slow as he matches Danny’s pace, relaxes into the way Danny gently runs his hands up and down Steve’s back, eventually settling at the base of his spine. It feels like Danny is everywhere at once and it grounds Steve in the way Danny’s touch always does, and he melts into the warmth surrounding him, resting the palm of his hand over Danny’s heart.

Steve, lost as he is in Danny’s prolonged assault on his mouth, almost doesn’t notice when Danny pulls back and starts making his way down Steve’s neck. He takes his time sucking marks into the skin, and Steve moans, holding Danny close. He’s discovered that he loves wearing Danny’s mark, especially where people can see. It does something to him, knowing that everyone around him knows that he belongs to someone. Danny abandons his neck and makes his way down Steve’s chest, and Steve arches into it. 

He maps Steve’s entire body with his mouth and his hands, kissing every scar, brushing his fingers lightly over Steve’s ribs where he knows Steve is most sensitive. His heart is racing, skin on fire, blood rushing through his veins as Danny continues all the way down until he gently raises one of Steve’s legs to press a kiss to his ankle. Danny looks up, pupils blown with desire, but all Steve feels is tenderness and affection. He pulls himself up to get a hand around Danny’s neck, pulling them back down onto the bed as he kisses Danny. 

Somewhere along the line their boxers disappear, and Steve realizes that it’s the first time they’ve been naked together while Danny is also hard. He thinks back to that night on the couch, where all that had been between them was the thin fabric of his own boxers, and remembers how much he’d liked it. For all intents and purposes, this scenario is no different. Danny seems unbothered by Steve’s lack of an erection – in fact, he hardly seems to notice – and Steve has never been more certain than he is in this moment that he’ll never love anyone the way he loves this man.

Steve feels boneless, limbs turned to jelly under Danny’s ministrations, but he wants to do something for Danny, wants to find a way to make him feel the way he’s made Steve feel tonight. After a moment’s thought he knows there’s something he can give Danny that doesn’t make him uncomfortable at all. He puts both hands on either side of Danny’s face, pulling him close until their foreheads are touching, waiting until Danny opens his eyes.

“Have I told you how hot you are, Danny?”

“What?” Danny gasps.

“Fuck, Danny. You have no idea how hard it is not to touch you all the time. I want to feel your skin under my fingers, feel your pulse race when I kiss your neck. I want it every second of every day. To put my hands on you in the car, in the office, in line at the grocery store. I want to kiss you in the middle of the Palace and make sure everyone knows you’re _mine_.”

“Holy shit,” Danny whispers. Danny’s hips grind down once before he stops, remembering himself. They haven’t done that before, and he hasn’t asked. 

“I see the way you look at me. I know you think I don’t, but I do. I know people have found me attractive, Danny, but no one has ever looked at me the way you do. You know so much – too much – about me, and every time I catch you looking all I feel is desired. Sexy. And you’re always looking for new ways to show me that. Do you have any idea what it does to me, knowing you spend your time looking for ways to be closer to me?”

He can feel the way Danny is holding himself back, muscles tense and shaking from restraint, and Steve kisses him deeply in acknowledgement. “You ground me, Danny. As much as your kiss lights me up on the inside, your touch keeps me right here, with you. I like how safe I feel when you wrap your arms around me. I like knowing that I do the same for you.

“One of these nights, I’m going to return the favor. I’m going spread you out and get my hands and mouth all over you. I’m gonna kiss every inch of your skin until you’re shaking, until the only name you know is mine. And then I’m going to sit back and look at you and know that I did that, that I’m the one who reduced you to a sweaty, desperate mess. Fuck, Danny, I don’t think I’ll ever get my fill of you.”

“Jesus, Steve,” Danny groans, body shuddering.

“What? Sometimes, when you’re trying to figure out if anything turns you on you consult all resources available to you.”

“So you’re telling me you read Harlequin novels?”

“Yes, Danny,” Steve deadpans. “I spent my Navy years in war zones waiting for a handsome Scottish prince to whisk me away and have his dirty, dirty way with me.”

“I actually hate you so much,” Danny laughs. 

It’s then that Steve notices exactly how still his partner had been holding himself. He appreciates the effort, truly, but Steve feels so good, and tonight he wants to see Danny come. He pulls Danny down with a hard grip on his hips and encourages him to move.

“Babe?” 

Steve nods. “Do it. Wanna see you.”

Danny kisses him, rough and a little mean, and rocks his hips against Steve’s. It doesn’t take long, not as long as Steve wishes it would, but when Danny raises his head with a question in his eyes, Steve presses their foreheads together and looks Danny right in the eye as he comes, striping white hot across Steve’s hip, shuddering in Steve’s embrace.

“Beautiful,” Steve murmurs, wrapping his arms around Danny’s shoulders. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Danny.”

Danny just smiles, slow and lazy, and gently bumps his nose against Steve’s before leaning in for one last kiss.

After they get cleaned up Danny curls himself around Steve’s back, pulling him close until their legs are tangled, and all Steve feels is Danny. He wants to tell Danny he loves him right now, in this moment where everything is quiet and no one else is around. But this moment also deserves a night of its own, deserves time to be treasured and taken in. He’ll tell him in the morning.

\--

When he wakes up he’s face to face with Danny, bright blue eyes shining in the low light of the morning sunshine streaming through the bedroom window. Steve’s heart skips a beat.

“I love you,” he whispers.

Danny smiles and it’s like staring into the sun. “I love you, too.”

For the first time in his life, Steve is left breathless in a way that doesn’t leave him aching for what has been taken from him. He has all he wants right here, in this house, in this bed, in his arms. For the first time in his life, he has everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Conversations of a semi-explicit nature about sexual intimacy. Two scenes of non-penetrative sexual intimacy, one ending in orgasm. Steve is okay with all of these things because of aforementioned conversations. Have someone pre-read if you're not sure this is for you.
> 
> Gatekeeping comments will be deleted. Nice ones are much appreciated. Seriously. They mean a lot.


End file.
